Muzzy. If someone were to ask me right now I feel, I would say I feel muzzy. A combination of muddled/muffled and fuzzy. I don’t know why this feels so right but it does. I’ve been on the antidepressant Paxil for three days and it is doing strange things to me. I’m having various unpleasant physical side effects like nausea, dizzy, sleepiness.
But the mental side effects are pleasing. I feel a low level drunken sluggishness. It seems to have shut off the angry, anxiety machine in my head. The part of my brain that constantly screams in utter self loathing at me. “Fuck you, I hate you/die you worthless cunt/you fat, stupid, disgusting/ you suck you suck/ lazy bitch/blah blah blah…” It’s quiet for once. It’s like someone threw a towel over it and it went to sleep. I also feel generally disconnected from my emotions which is probably a bad thing, but for right now it feels like a vacation. To have that constant self loathing turned off is bliss.
I don’t know how I will feel in a week or a month, but for now, I feel better. This is very very good.
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